Kazza's Funny Ficlets
by Kazza
Summary: Here are a selection of one-shot ficlets, most with either a corny joke or a pun in them somewhere. NONE of these relate to my 'Reflections' fics.
1. The Wager

This is NOT a serious story. It's a result of a quick bit of brainstorming while trying to get my brain working. This is NOT set in the same 'world' as the Reflections series.   
  
Have fun   
  
K   
  
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The Wager by Kazza   
  
Boston 1731.   
  
The lid of the oak chest fell back with a thud and a cloud of dust. Emmeline coughed and wiped the dust from her eyes as Sebastian, her cat, fled to a corner of the room.   
  
The old chest had sat unopened in the attic for more years than her family knew. Since long before her Grandfather's death. Rumour had it that the last person to open it was her great-grandfather. But Emmeline, being a modern girl of the eighteenth century didn't hold much store in rumours like that.   
  
The contents of the chest were unusual to say the least. There were three, ancient rusted swords, a strange black leather shirt with bright lacings, a birdcage and a collection of drawings.   
  
She hunted through the piles of paper. Among the many drawings were a few other papers, all of them written in French. There was an invitation to something called a Royal Masque, a pile of IOUs from someone called Rodmilla, and a letter with small drawings on the outside of it.   
  
Emmeline was curious; which is rather obvious because if she hadn't been she would never have opened the chest. She also believed she was doing the Right Thing; a long standing family failing that had got quite a number of her ancestors in deep trouble.   
  
Being Curious and Sure she was doing the Right Thing, Emmeline opened the letter.   
  
Dear Uncle Pierre,   
  
I am terribly sorry but I can not accompany you on your flight from France. You should have thought twice before you bought Danielle.   
  
I told you the 'I'm Your Best Friend, Trust Me' routine would work better than the 'Sneering Cad Attack'. It does not matter if the Sneering Cad wins in the all the romance tales, Danielle does not read books like that. Oh, did I forget to mention that, uncle?   
  
The chains and the bread and water were too much. Personally I thought the get her into trouble impersonating a noble plan was brilliant (if I do say so myself). It was all His Royal Prettiness's fault that it failed.   
  
I hope you enjoy the Americas, uncle. I hear it has all sorts of opportunities for someone with your talents.   
  
Your mischeviously,   
  
Gustave le Pieu.   
  
Emmeline le Pieu-Bleufeld read the letter again and wondered if the PLP it was addressed to was Great-Grandfather. She shrugged and put the letter away. Whoever Gustave was he obviously hadn't succeeded in hurting Great-grandpapa.   
  
"Emmeline, come here please."   
  
"Yes, Mama." Emmeline quickly put everything back in the chest and closed it. She caught Sebastian and, stoking the dust out of his white fur, she climbed down the stairs and closed the door behind her.   
  
The End  
  
Disclaimer - The worlds of 'Ever After' and 'James Bond' both belong to cleverer people than I. There is no intention to infringe upon any copyright and I'm certainly not making any money whatever off this. 


	2. Give Me That Book

Disclaimer: Ever After is not mine, it belongs to Andy Tennant and all it's other copyright holders. This story is intended simply as a tribute and for a giggle.   
  
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Give Me That Book  
  
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"That's mine, Your Royal Highness!" Danielle jumped up and tried to take hold of the book her husband of three weeks held above his head.  
  
"No, Princess, this like you and all your belongings are mine," Henry smiled and passed the book to his left hand. "And you shall not have it until you admit that I was right."  
  
Danielle stuck her tongue out at him then said, "But Henry, you must be wrong." She hung onto Henry's left arm and tried to bend his elbow, only to be confounded when Henry swapped the book back to his right hand.  
  
"Oh no I wasn't," Henry grinned and waved the book under her nose before scampering away from her reach. Danielle chased her husband around the room.  
  
"You really think that Captain Laurent's marriage will break more hearts than yours?" Leonardo asked from the sofa where he sat reading a book.   
  
"Yes." Henry replied. He laughed when Danielle finally caught him and gave her the book. "Your penalty for doubting your husband is a kiss, Princess."  
  
"You do not owe him that, Princess Danielle." Leonardo said. "You have not yet proved your argument, Prince Henry." Leonardo looked up when they was no reply and sighed. He waited until the breathless couple separated from their passionate embrace. "Would you prefer if I left you alone?"  
  
"Of course not," Danielle smiled in reply. Behind her Henry pulled a face.  
  
Leonardo chuckled. The Prince obviously had a different opinion on the subject. The artist decided to make the young man suffer his presence a little longer in repayment for Henry's teasing of Danielle.  
  
"So?" Leonardo asked Henry in the commanding tone of a teacher addressing a student.  
  
"There will be many sad women in France when Laurent marries." Henry said solemnly.  
  
"But all those young ladies were chasing you not the Captain," replied Leonardo.  
  
"Exactly," replied Danielle. She liked Captain Laurent but he was certainly not handsome like Henry, nor was he a Prince. There was no way Laurent could have captured more women's hearts than Henry.  
  
"Yes, I know they were," Henry sighed, melodramatically, "And it was very annoying that they were told to do so. But then," Henry paused before adding quietly, "I said the women would be missing him, not their daughters." Henry winked at Leonardo, "How, Signore, do you think so many of those matchmaking mamas were kept at bay?"  
  
Leonardo stared at Henry for a moment then began to laugh so hard that he almost fell off the chair.  
  
"The Captain chased them away?" Danielle was perplexed. "But he can't have. The Baroness was never chased away by him."  
  
"Danielle," Henry said quietly. "Rodmilla only succeeded in getting close to me because she was a widow."   
  
Danielle looked even more perplexed. "A widow?"  
  
"Oh, you're so sweet, child," Leonardo smiled. "Your husband is trying to explain that the Captain only --uh -- distracted the married ladies who had husbands. That meant he didn't have to marry them."  
  
Danielle stared wide-eyed at her husband. "Henry, what about Jacqueline? If Laurent's such an immoral person should he be allowed to marry my step-sister?"  
  
"Yes, he should. Laurent's a good man." Henry grinned, "Jacqueline de Ghent's the first single lady that he's chased in a very, very long time. He would only do that if he seriously cared about her." Henry walked over to Danielle and took hold of her hand, "And with me married he doesn't have to spend his time stopping half the mothers in France from cornering me."  
  
"Henry, just how did he distract them?" Danielle asked quietly.  
  
"I just remembered I left an invention, that I promised I'd show to your father later, in my studio." Leonardo climbed to his feet and put the book on the sofa. "Please excuse me, Your Royal Highness." He shot Henry a 'you started it son' look and left the room.  
  
"Thanks for nothing, Signore," muttered Henry.  
  
"Henry?" Danielle stared up at him.  
  
"He flirted with them." Henry shrugged.  
  
"Oh," Danielle wandered off to put the book Leonardo had been reading back on the shelf.  
  
"Amongst other things," added Henry under his breath.  
  
"Sorry dear?"  
  
"Nothing." Henry smiled wickedly. "Just thinking of how many books and kisses I can steal from you until you learn your way around the court."   
  
Danielle sighed melodramatically. "Maybe I should ask Captain Laurent how to escape you."  
  
Leonardo shook his head and smiled as the squealing Princess of France ran out of the room, past him and down the corridor; her husband close on her heels.   
  
"You owe me two kisses for that, Your Cute Highness!" yelled the Prince.   
  
King Francis was almost knocked off his feet by the low-flying Princess. Danielle slid to a halt on the marble floor, ran over to the King and hid behind him.  
  
Henry ran up to the King. "Father, have you seen Danielle?"  
  
Francis nodded and gestured over his shoulder with his thumb. Henry peered behind the Kinig and said, "Danielle, dearest, that's not the way to hide behind the throne."  
  
"I was seeking the protection of France while guarding it's rear." Danielle replied with a grin.  
  
"Danielle," said Henry, "behave yourself or you'll be brought to book."  
  
"But Henry dear, I was trying to 'bring book to me' in the Library when this started." She smiled, curtsied to the King and ran off.  
  
"I don't know if I can stand this punishment much longer," Francis muttered.  
  
Henry snickered and hared after his wife. Soon he caught her and extracted the promised kisses before admitting that he'd lied about the Captain.  
  
It was then the Prince's turn to be chased around the chateau. And in this way they spent their lives because, as we all know, they lived Hurriedly Ever After.  
  
The End 


End file.
